Fatigue

I can just see the future in front of me. I'll still be the instructor that works-out several days a week and tones the body and mind and in his spare time spends time with the computer or video games and sometimes with his female friends. My friends will lead a perfectly happy life with somebody to love and maybe kids and/or a great successful job. I'll be the oddball, still. I won't outgrow my humour and somewhat childish behaviour which my friends will have done (at least to a certain extent) and due to my mean, stubborn and snobby nature I won't have what they have - a partner. I am so picky that I will never be able to get together with somebody who I find interesting because that's how it pretty much has always been - I find someone interesting, I show interest and try to make contact, sometimes successfully, but they're never interested in me. It's happened once and I think I was taken by surprise that time, so much that I forgot to judge and really think it over meaning that after some time it hit me that he's really not the one for me and we broke up.

I probably shouldn't complain because one of my dreams have already come true - becoming an instructor - but I think almost everybody wants someone to love that loves you back and I'm no exception. I admit I get jealous when I come across people who are hit on by pretty much everyone because sometimes, I'd like to be that person. The one that gets appreciated and accepted by everyone. The one that constantly gets told he looks good and the one that always has strong self-confidence. I want to look good but I'm afraid my genes aren't of the beautiful nature, I suppose. If I looked good, people would tell me all the time because that's how it is on the internet - if one looks good, then he'll be the one that people constantly hits on.

Every single day that passes me by, I think I forget more and more about the beauty around me. The world can be beautiful sometimes but nowadays it seems so vague in my head; I only focus on the ugly and the negative. I sincerely don't see much hope and happiness any longer - it's all fading. I know I am a very energetic and happy person in real life but my motivation is cut shorter by the day. I have even noticed myself that when I instruct, I am more serious as of late. I have changed my tone of voice a bit. It's a very bad sign. I need someone to save me, someone who can pull me up from the hole I'm falling through. But there ain't one in sight.

The person I have been interested in lately clearly ain't the one cause he's never shown any interest - he never even checks my community profile when it's updated with new pictures and info, so that's like... Yeah, that's a clear sign of showing no interest. In fact, he hasn't visited my page once since I started talking to him. Now it's up to him if he's interested - I ain't saying a word to him until he either shows interest by starting up a conversation or by whatever could mean to show interest.

The world was beautiful during 2007 but it has rapidly withered, at least with these recent events. Is there anyone who can save it?