Decadence

There's something building up inside of me, wanting to rip out. I've just had so much hate for so many things today - not even the BODYCOMBAT class was devoid of annoyance because the instructor did a couple of irritating things. I know I probably sound childish and silly when I keep talking about my problems and my "emoish" hate for the world around me but I am truly serious - I don't find much joy lately. It's not a "I want to kill cut myself/commit suicide"-thing, it's a cynical view of a world that once meant a lot to me. I have simply become weary of so much due to the recent realizations. My friends are the only ones that seem to shed a light as of late.

I have to accept these realizations. I am not boyfriend-material because I'm simply one of a kind - and yes, that is a good thing if only other people would like the way I am. I need to stop being so friendly, humorous and witty because I gain nothing but disappointment in return. You know what they say - strong personality equals bad appearance, weak personality equals attractive appearance. I am of the strong personality so I don't get as many chances to prove myself because this world, including me, is shallow. This is not a complaint about myself because I'd rather have a strong personality than to be incredibly stupid, it is a complaint about the shallowness pestering us. I am guilty of it, too, I know how hard it is not to judge by the looks when you come across a person over the internet.

I still wish someone would sweep me off my feet before I lose all hope. Too bad the person I'm interested (by the way, it's just "interested" now) in ain't interested back. I've made my efforts to show my interest in him but if it ain't requited, then why bother?