Worlds apart

I'm telling the truth now: I think I am getting over Jonathan. At least that is what my mind has decided and whether my heart wants to follow or not is another story (pardon the poetic vibes). And I think I am getting on his nerves now, so as I am still sane and know it ain't ever gonna lead anywhere I am going to have to draw a line. There are other people out there. Just gotta find them. It would be the best for us both - at least the best for me, doubt he really cares.

Coming to think of it, I don't see how we could ever lead a life together anyway in terms of personality, humour and et cetera. He doesn't share my somewhat low, dry, perversive and mean humor and whenever we talk it is like one really has to sit and think for an hour about what to talk about - it doesn't come naturally, like with most other people. I don't think we've ever small-talked and I can do that with everybody else... except him; except the one that really is quite similar to me. I'm not gonna get into extreme detail here but there are lots of funny trivia. For example, I share the name of one of his brothers. I've always liked the name Jonathan and in first grade of high school we wrote an essay about names (this was before I "noticed" him) and I wrote that if I were to choose a different name for myself I'd pick Jonathan and one of my kids would be named as another of his brothers. If my little sister had been a boy instead, she (or would that be he?) would be called Jonathan. Nice coincidences? And we're both left-handed. :P Lots of that trivial stuff to be known.

I am gonna have to put all that to rest but there is no denying there are many interesting coincidences between us. There is no point in ever hoping there could be something because he has made it quite clear. I am not going to deny that he looks very, very good though, so that is something he will always hear (unless he does something drastic). Haha...

I wonder if I truly let him go out of my heart (excuse the poeticism (new word) again) will our conversations loosen up? Or are we just really not meant to be talking much? Or is it just because I'm so outrageously weird to talk to? I wish I could help the fact that I must explain things to people in detail or that I talk a lot or that I have this random humour. Sometimes it is like talking to one of my walls while talking to him, or should I say he seems bored of me, and that is never a good sign. Should I take the hint and shut the fuck up next time? Next time I will talk to myself instead... At least then I will get an answer and one that I like, too.